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Interests: Piano
International Affairs
Tennis
Everything Extracurricular
Foreign Languages
Hockey (hey, I'm canadian! But, I don't play anymore :( I just watch)
Expertise: Hard to say. Useless trivia and apparently boggle. Great to put on my résumé. Occupation: Student Industry: Nonprofit
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Member Since:
10/27/2002
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| First, the quote of the day, which is actually going to be a conversation from yesterday: (obviously, due to length, much of this is paraphrased)
Me: So, all of the works on my programme so far are fairly standard. The Chopin études are very common, the Bach Fantasy is very common, the Liszt is very well known too. I was thinking that it could be a good idea to include a lesser known work or composer--preferably something challenging, but not too difficult. Would you have any ideas?
Professor (of Music History) Nora Beck: Oh! Well, there is Ned Rorem, and also Reger, and Godowsky is becoming increasingly popular...(followed by interesting (to me) explanation, and then...) Gorecki's piano works (blah blah) and of course there's Philip Glass' études (blah blah) Byrd (blah blah) Zwilich (blah blah) D'Indy (blah blah) Sessions (blah blah) Rzewski (blah blah) Szymanowski (blah blah) Joplin (blah blah) Smetana (blah blah) Tippett (blah blah) [a good five minutes later] So, does that give you some ideas?
Me: Yes, Definitely. Thank you. Now, Denise had also suggested a work by a Canadian composer, like Jean Coulthard or somebody. Are there any works that...
Prof. Beck: ...OOOH! That would be a great idea!
Me: Really? Who would you recommend?
Prof. Beck: Hmmm.... well. Let's see... ... [awkward pause] ... ...actually I think Jean Coulthard's probably a good choice. [full stop] -----
Now, the only problem with more obscure works is that they are, obviously, really hard to find. Not a single store in Portland, nor any of the libraries in the Summit inter-library loan system had a copy of Philip Glass' études, which are probably the least obscure of the list, besides Rorem or perhaps Byrd. I'm also not really willing to scour the internet in order to find them. I guess I'll just stick with what I have.
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I saw Laurel today, which was pretty exciting, but it reminded me that I completely missed seeing Clay when he came down to Portland about a week ago. In any event, she's here for intern training, and I will soon be going into NSO training, which sounds exciting. I'm not totally sure what we're going to do, but apparently we get cool shirts, so it can't possibly be a bad thing, right?
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I was going to do a little spiel on trying to define art music as opposed to popular music, but perhaps next post. I'm tired. I practiced for five hours today, and that's a bit much for anyone. Hopefully, it will be a little more low-key tomorrow. | | |
| Long time, no post. In fact, it's been at least two months since I've even visited this page. I had told Jessica that I would try to post while she was gone in Chile, however, and Chris and Clay will also soon be gone on exchange trips, leaving me alone to cry myself to sleep every night. No, actually, I look forward to next semester. I've almost completely made ammends with a certain music Professor, and over the next week I will help design the curriculum for a course that I'll be taking! How cool is that!? I guess it's actually really nerdy and completely uncool, (almost as uncool as the word "uncool") but I'm still excited about it. Before I get into the post though, at least one quote is necessary:
AP: "Ah! Just try to keep your pants down!" "Nice shirt. Very Menudo."
Natalie: "You know, if you weren't my cousin, or if we were in Alabama, this would look really sketchy."
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My other little bonus section for this post will be a list of firsts--things I did this summer that I had never done before:
1) Taken a University Physics course 1b) Written a physics lab report 1c) Held uranium in my hand 1d) Flipped ten coins 100 times in a row to calculate standard deviations (which is more like torture than I can even begin to explain) 1e) Bored friends in Portland and Kamloops with descriptions (given in a surprisingly enthusiastic tone) of what I had learned in said course 2) Discussed US Foreign Policy with Arabs (highly recommended, as long as you have a long fuse and a lot of time ) (and they call themselves "Arabs." I was going to come up with some PC term for them, but I don't think it's necessary.) 3) Purchased something off of Amazon.com (my first purchase: a CD entitled "Martha Argerich: Début Recital") 4) Eaten at a Lebanese restaurant (Ya Hala in Portland. Excellent reviews) 5) Been given the key to the office of the Chair of the Music Department for personal use 5b) Used said key 6) Used the word "concatenate" and, on a separate occasion, the quasi-legitimate word "ridonculous." Twice 7) Played the computer game "Shogun: Total War," which is my new favourite game ever 8) Karaoke 9) Rode an ATV (more on this later) 9a) Flipped an ATV (more on this later) 10) Had a footrace with Amanda Pinchin... 11) Saw the movie "Requiem for a Dream," which, truly, merits being its own number. I liked Batman, Wedding Crashers, Haute Tension, Spiderman 2, Get Shorty, and some of the other films I saw this summer too, but truly, none of them compare 12) Made a dinner for myself, the recipe for which I found on foodtv.ca. I've made dinner for myself plenty of times, but I've never made anything that either my mom or my French host family hadn't made while I was there before. Basically, I experimented. The recipe: Potato-crusted scallops with avocado and pepper salad. Very tasty 13) Played a drinking game (and although Amanda Hoy has her doubts, I maintain that I was not truly drunk.) (and honestly, if anyone was in the condition to tell if I was drunk or not, it certainly wasn't Manda. ) 14) Laid on the beach with the goal of tanning (I ended up burning pretty badly with Amanda P) 15) Climbed Mt. Peter! (a peak that overlooks Kamloops)
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In sum, it was a good summer, and a relaxing summer. I have my Senior Recital date (April 22nd), and I know what pieces I'll be playing, although one or two might change. I've started work on my senior thesis, and will hopefully be one my way writing by October. I wasn't able to catch up with some friends like I wanted to, (Zoe and Chris I only saw twice, Nick and Shaela I didn't see at all) but I did do a lot more than I thought I would, and that's encouraging.
ATV story, and then I'll close:
I went up to visit my uncle's family at their cabin on East Barriere Lake, about 175km (115m) away from Kamloops and truly, in the boonies. There are logging roads and what-not, but for the most part, the largest "city" is a good 30 minutes away by car, and that "city" is populated by no more than 5,000 people. When I arrived, the neighbours, who must have been stupidly wealthy, very generously invited us to go on their ATVs with them. Naturally, we accepted, offering profuse thanks.
Now, when I say "stupidly wealthy," I refer to the fact that not only were these people building a ridiculously huge cabin, complete with underground parking for eight cars, and had a floating trampoline and Malibu speedboat with wakeboarding rack, wedge, and floodable compartments hooked up near the dock, but they also happened to have four state-of-the-art ATVs and yet a fifth child-sized ATV for their 5-year-old daughter. I kid you not.
Our two hosts, of course, were equipped with brand new gear, including chest protectors, boots with fiberglass shin guards, and matching bike jerseys, the kind you see on the X-games. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if it was exactly the same ensemble you see bikers wear on the X-games. Dave (my uncle) and I, on the other hand, had...well...slightly different apparel. Dave had on plain black sweatpants and his golfing jacket along with a football helmet that was clearly to small for him and aviator sunglasses in lieu of goggles or a visor. I had brought my Lu`au hoodie, so I had a long sleeve shirt, but I had no long sleeve pants, so I had to borrow Natalie's (my 17-year-old cousin) old pair of grey sweatpants she had gotten for the volleyball team at her high school. These pants had JAGS (short for jaguars) written in huge green letters accross the ass, and one leg was, due to a manufacturing error, several inches shorter than the other leg, which already was too short for me. I'm surprised they even let us be seen with them! Suffice to say, you could tell who the experienced ATVers were.
Once we actually got started though, I had a blast! I never thought that ATVing would be so much fun. After all, when we went on Jet-Skis at Penticton, I was pretty bored after a short time, but these things were awesome. You can go over anything on them, and they go surprisingly fast. It's a huge adrenaline rush, and I enthusiastically recommend it to anyone that has the opportunity.
For a while I was actually doing pretty well, taking small jumps, and keeping up for the most part with our gung-ho hosts. My ATV, though, was very large, and occasionally I would have trouble fitting through some of the narrower openings. On one such occasion, I fell a little behind when I got stuck, and had to speed to catch up. The path was a long narrow logging road with saplings on both sides, probably from reforestation projects. I saw Dave in the distance, so I sped around the bend when, out of the woods, as if by magic, this huge bull stepped out of the left embankment and stopped in the middle of the path, staring me and my ATV down as I slammed on the brakes, stopping maybe 10 feet in front of its horns. My first thought, oddly enough, was to see if I could blow the horn, but I couldn't find one, and I didn't really want to let my eyes off of the bull for that long in order to look. So, I reversed about 20 feet or so, hoping that it would continue crossing the road. After an extremely awkward minute, it finally did, and I continued on to catch up to the others.
When I did finally meet up with them, they had stopped at a fork in the road, and were taking a jump there. I don't think they believed my story about the bull, probably because that little "encounter" spiked my adrenaline so much that my speech was garbled and even louder than usual. In any event, they got me to try the jump too, and, thinking that good air would make up for my tardiness, quickly turned around and headed for the jump. In retrospect, I turned too quickly, because when I hit the bottom of the jump, my back wheels were still to the left, and I hit a large rock on the path, forcing the front end of my ATV up in the air. I tried to hit the throttle to pull the ATV over the rock, but hit the throttle way too hard, and instead shot the ATV upwards with me flying off onto my back as the ATV somehow ended up propped vertically on a log. The end scene was pretty impressive. Somehow the ATV was standing straight up and down, me beneath it, laying on top of the rock that had "broken my fall."
In total, we were out on these old abandoned logging roads for about 2 1/2 hours, and I couldn't have had a better time. I wasn't the only one to bail, although my fall was the most public, but even the fall added to the experience rather than taking away from it.
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Now, I'm back in Portland, staying at Marnie's house, and going up to Lewis & Clark to practice piano, meet up with some friends, and get some exercise. I can't believe summer's going to be over so soon!!! I wish that this could last for longer. My one consolation is that, in a few days, I'll be helping new freshman get into Lewis & Clark for orientation. I'm looking forward to it! | | |
| Well, I'm finally getting around to posting again. It took a while, mostly because the last one took such an emotional investment that posting again was pretty intimidating, but I don't think that this post should be anywhere near as ... hmm, how to put it... involved. Plus, I'm listening to Copland's Appalachian Spring on my iTunes, so in the spirit of pioneerism (albeit a bit of the classic American wünschengeschichte, cause I gotta keep using the word!) here goes! ;)
Thank you again to those that were there. I really wasn't expecting the variety of responses I got to that last post, but it did help. My plan of using the last post as a catharsis actually worked quite well. After that, it felt like a load had been lifted. It was actually kind of funny; when I got to final exams, it felt like no big deal at all. I had been going for such a while at a high-stress pace that, by the time my Music History and Poli Sci final came around, it wasn't nearly as big of a stress as I thought it could be. I have my grades back now, and though I was surprised by an A- in choir ( that's just hilarious), the rest of my grades were actually pretty good. I got an A- in Poli Sci, which I'm ecstatic about; a LOT of people got grades lower than they've ever gotten in a Poli Sci class with him, and frankly I'm happy to get out of that class with it. So, last semester really came to an anticlimactic finish; I think that actually the night that I wrote that post was really my peak for the semester, and then after that everything just kind of calmed down.
In the meantime, my mom came down to Portland for almost a week I think, which was great. I got to catch up a little, and my mom insisted on talking to Orla and Nora, which was interesting. The talk with Orla was great, and apparently I had poorly interpreted Nora's earlier statements. By "dedication" was meant more an ability to concentrate on my own academic pursuits and dedicate to my projects. I think that it is extremely poor word choice, but makes me feel better nonetheless.
Now summer sessions have begun, and once again Game Theory has evaded my enrollment. I made the mistake of reminding Prof. Bekar that I had not taken the pre-requisite ECON 100 course, to which he responded that, given the choice between the two, he would "strongly recommend" taking the pre-requisite course. So, now I'm in ECON 100 learning currently about the effects of elasticity on price adjustment. Faaaascinating. It's not too bad though, since Prof. Bekar is a great teacher, and, an added bonus, he's Canadian! So it can't be too bad. I'm also taking Physics 107, which has an extremely long title--something like Chance, Determinism, Complexity, and Meaning in Science--but really, it's an Introduction to Chaos course. I'm less enthused by the copious amounts of calculations and just hard math, but the philosophy part of the course is interesting. Any time that you can discuss the existence of "free will" in a Physics class is good times with me.
Speaking of being Canadian, two big Canadian political events to report on: the Liberals won (duh) the BC election, but not by nearly as much as most polls had shown them winning by. No big surprises there, and not many big changes in store, except perhaps less wide-sweeping budget cuts this term.
Then, federally, the Liberals survived a non-confidence vote, in the closest non-confidence vote in Canadian history. There are 308 seats in Parliament, one is vacant (the MP passed away), and then one Conservative MP was undergoing cancer treatment, so wasn't able to make it, and the Liberals sat out one MP to be good sports. Belinda Stronach, a Conservative MP, defected to the Liberals a few days before the vote, bringing it so that the Liberal Party and NDP together totalled 150 votes, and the Conservative Party and Bloc totalled.... 151 votes. That would have brought down the government, but there are three independents in Parliament. One of them voted with the Conservatives, one with the Liberals, so it was all down to Chuck Cadman, an MP from Surrey, BC, to decide whether the government would fall or tie the vote. He voted with the government, creating a tie, and the Speaker (a Liberal) broke the tie.
153-152, and the government survives, for now. I personally didn't support the 4.6 billion amendment, (the so-called "NDP budget") but I do like the fact that there's no election for a while.
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I do like America, and Americans, but I think I've mentioned before at points that one of my biggest pet peeves with los estadosunidenses is that when I say "Thank you," several people think it's appropriate to respond "Yup." Gaah! I'm sure not saying thank you to you again! ;) Honestly though, that is the worst response possible. Today however, this pet peeve was extended somewhat when I received the same demented response to my saying "Excuse me," and later "Sorry."
I don't know why this needs to be said, but apparently it does: "Yup," and "Yes," are not appropriate responses to "Thank you," "Excuse me," "Sorry," etc. Stupid, stupid.
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Let me close on this high note. Yesterday was a great day. I had no work, no real responsibilities to get done, so I relaxed. At a little after 9:00, Tina called saying that their tour guide hadn't showed, so I went and did the morning tour, and then did a little homework before going to lunch and meeting with Nicole. After lunch, I listened to music and read the news for a while before going down to Evans to practice. I got back up, and after eating dinner (which was awful, but not awful enough to dampen the day, and I'll talk more about summer dinners in the Bon in the next post) I was amazed at how beautiful the horizon looked, with the sunset hovering about the tree line. I went to Pamplin, and was in turn reminded by a bright orange sign that the weight room closed at 8, so instead I went around the track, alternating laps between jogging and walking. It was really... peaceful. A good way to end the previous semester, and begin the summer! | | |
| [Edit: okay. Long, LONG, LOOOOONG post. Just a warning. I will understand if you don't read it; this post was mostly intended for my own use.]
So. There has been quite the delay since I've posted last. I'm not entirely sure why I waited this long. It would perhaps have been good for my overall mental health to have posted earlier, (since studies do show that writing out one's thoughts is actually quite an effective outlet and is corrolated in a statistically significant way with increased happiness and emotional balance) but the point is moot. I have no real quote of the day per se, since there have been far too many in the past two months or so to pick just one from, and I surely can't remember enough to do much justice to a sampling, so this will be a quoteless post.
I've definitely had my high points this semester--lu`au was awesome, and I will always be able to look back on that experience and wholeheartedly smile, meeting some of the new freshmen--but I've also had some low points. In the past few weeks, these low points have occurred with increasing frequency and intensity, until this afternoon when I spent a long time in the Registrar's office debating the relative merits of a decision I'm now glad I didn't make at that time.
Low point the first: a Japanese chapter test I got back a couple weeks ago with an 84%. Now, 84% may not be bad, but this is Japanese class, where previous to that my lowest grade on a test ever was a 92, and where I consistently get close to, if not getting, 100. It wasn't the grade that really got to me--the rest of my grades in that class make up for it, I'm still getting a good grade overall, and Shinohara-sensei isn't worried--but more so was the fact that the grade is representative of the state I had reached in order to do that poorly. I was very sleep-deprived (of course. If there is one thing about college, or at least challenging ones like Lewis & Clark, it's that the majority of hard-working students are sleep-deprived for a majority of the time.) and hadn't really had enough time to study properly for it. (A brief session with Clay the morning of the exam and a quick review of the vocabulary the night before was basically it) I felt like I had really let myself down, or perhaps it's more that I had really let myself get to the point where I could do that. Getting back that test made me realize how far behind on the Political Science reading I was at the time, how much of the listening for Music History was still obscure to me, how much composition work I still had to do, etc. I got into an easily-entered cycle of thinking how unsatisfactory my work for courses has been. Even if my grade in most of those courses does not reflect it, and in some cases it almost certainly will, this semester has academically been by far my worst.
I hate the feeling of relief when I get back a good grade on a paper that I wrote the night before. Was the professor duped? Do they not even notice or care? Are my carefully crafted academic arguments indistinguishable from blither that I regurgitate at embarassingly late hours of the night in an exhausted stupor?
At the risk of sounding deluded, or like I'm trying to create a "Wünschengeschichte," to coin my own new German word*, I didn't always write papers the night before they were due. In Freshman year, I went to the writing center on a regular basis, several days before the paper was due, and talked about my thoughts on the paper. Not every paper was as planned out and well-structured, but many were. Such is no longer the case, and noting the contrast is not encouraging. (the argument that I no longer need so much planning time is unconvincing and evasive of the core issue) What led to this point? How did I degenerate so far?
*Wünschengeschichte (voon-shen-gih-shikh-tih, where "kh" is the soft German H-gagging-thing, and the "oo" in "voon" is pronounced like the French "vu," as opposed to "vous") comes from the German words meaning wish/desire and history, and is actually a real German word according to online German dictionaries. (Damn! I thought I made one up, but appaaaaarently those crafty Deutscher already thought that one up. What are the chances?) The term refers to an idealised past that never really existed. When old people talk about "the good old days," but their descriptions gloss over the hardships, and exaggerate or even just plain make up some of the good points, they are cultivating their own wünschengeschichte. (though technically, it should be capitalised, since all nouns, proper or otherwise, are capitalised in standard German, whether they begin a sentence or not.)
Low point the second: hearsay. I was told from a very reliable source that an important professor stated that she questions my dedication to the Music Department. Now, I can understand being told that I have poor time-management, or that I'm overcommitted, or that I have trouble focusing. I would be even willing to concede the point that I'm not working to my potential in her class. (I came in late several times this semester, and I missed two classes. One class I missed because I was legitimately quite sick, and the other I slept right through because I was working until 6:30 that morning on composition for her class, ironically enough. That doesn't excuse it, but it does explain it. As to the latenesses, for three of the four I was just exhausted, and I would sometimes doze off while getting ready for class after Weight Training, and for the other...well, that's why I have a scar on my forehead.) But what hurt was that it wasn't my organisation or compartmentalisation skills she was accusing of defficiency--it was my "dedication."
What! On the end-of-semester piano sheet we make for piano studio, I had to list the performances I was in that year. Total performances: 20 on piano alone. (a couple others with voice and one on organ. Don't ask about the organ.) That smashes my previous record for most performances in a semester of 14. I help with productions even when I'm not in them, I speak at admissions events about all the department offers, I lobby for music interests in CBC and sometimes with the Provost. I shouldn't even need to be defending myself. The problem is this: I am given a disproportionate workload under the auspices of it being my "responsibility as a piano major," and then I am called lazy and undedicated behind my back BY people I respect and admire(d), TO people I care about and whose opinions I value highly.
Then I am told, sometimes in the span of the same sentence something alone these lines: (<--wow for alliteration) "You really need to learn how to say 'no,' (notice: a comma, not a period) but that reminds me I really need you to do this for me, and this time it's really important." I really don't like swearing on xanga, mostly because I think it's just inappropriate, but FUCK YOU you hypocritical arrogant passive-aggresive frigid bitch! I am not your little puppet; I am not a little shiny thing that you can dangle in front of the new College President for the EXPLICIT purpose (as in, you even have so little shame that you tell me this outright) of acquiring more funds for your department. (And if you are going to dangle someone, at least get a good-looking blonde or brunette, not some overweight whitebread clutz who needs a haircut and has a scar on his forehead, but that's beside the point.)
I thought that I could make a difference. Perhaps I even thought that I was in someway "special" or praiseworthy because you would choose me for this task, but it was really just that I was a convenient choice because of my naïveté, my gullibility, and my vulnerability. I was just one of the slightly-above-mediocre musicians you could call on to fulfill your needs. I am nothing to you, and you accuse me of not giving even more of myself to you. I can't even begin to describe the ways that baffles me at the same time as being morally crushing. Your obliviousness to my situation and your wilful disregard of my well-being are like icing on the cake. (Lana's poem from a long time ago is really appropriate. Thank you Lana for writing that.)
Low point the third: day five of "Nine Days of Ryan." Nine Days of Ryan is the name that a couple people in the Music Department gave to the stretch of nine days in which I perform 10 times. (Actually, one of them got cancelled, so it's really 9 times in 9 days.) Many of the performances went "well," but at what standard? I can't help but feel that I'm being encouraged like one of those five-year-olds who is ignorant of his own lack of talent but is told repeatedly, "you're doing so well." Really, they know that on an objective standard the work is not up to par, but they continue the illusion for the unsuspecting child because they think it will be less hurtful.
My obsession with failing to meet a high standard all culminated in the Piano Proficiency Exam, at which I did horribly, perhaps not in absolutist terms, but on my own terms. I did not meet the standards to which I would like to hold myself, and one's own standards are ultimately the most important ones, if not necessarily the best ones.
"Nine Days of Ryan" made it so that I was forced to confront my own mediocrity repeatedly, and at short intervals, and that is REALLY demoralising. There is nearly nothing worse than being forced to realise that you are really nothing more than average, that many if not all of your most cherished dreams are nothing more than illusions. To once have "goals," and then to have them fade or dissolve, is I suppose either enlightening or jading or both. And Orla thinks (or at least once thought) that I should enter an international piano competition?! For crying out loud! Realistically, I would be lucky to beat out a couple people and get to be an alternate page-turner at an event like that. That's not being negative for negative's sake, but rather it's being brutally honest, the same brutal honesty that experience provides. Actually letting myself believe in her, if even for a second, made it pretty fucking painful to have to stop believing.
I understand and appreciate the utility of dreaming, of having goals and aspirations, (I am reading Friedrich Nietzsche, Hannah Arendt, and Isaiah Berlin for Poli Sci after all) but it is really tough to get through when those goals all come crashing down. This past week has seen my illusions stripped away one after the other. I think since it all happened so quickly, and in such dramatic fashion, it was hard to handle.
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You who claim that I should do less: you want to know why I overcommit? (or at least my current theory...) If I do more, and succeed in it, then I can feel good about what I've done. I can convince myself that I mean something, that I'm significant, or that I'm in some way worthy. That's why I have trouble saying no. If I say no, I'm really saying that these are my limits, and that I cannot exceed certain limits. The smaller my limits, the less distinct I am. Put more eloquently: the less I do, the less I am.
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In sum, this semester, though it has had its good points, has been on the whole a pretty stunning failure. I'm ashamed to be me right now, and I don't know when that feeling will go away. I'm tempted to not get out of it, because staying here, or at least keeping close to this spot, means less distance that I will fall from later. And it's really the falling part that's most painful; staying down here isn't quite as bad. But, as Isaiah Berlin says, "it is on earth that we live, and it is here that we must believe and act." For the time being, I put on my happy face, go to class, do the work that I can find the motivation to do, (which is generally almost all of it) and then keep going. The feeling passes, if the concept behind it remains the same.
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To Laurel, Fay, and Chris, (though Chris might not have been aware of it at the time) thank you for being there. Just talking with you helped me at least get to the end of this day, and be "cautiously optimistic" about tomorrow.
This post is NOT meant as a cry for help. It is more meant as a "cry to the heavens," for lack of a better term. (I'm too lazy--or just lack sufficient dedication--to make up another German word, and I don't think that the Germans would be very pleased with how lightly I'm treating their language anyway.) My goal (I really should not have used that word, but I did, so oh well) is that getting this out, writing it down somewhere, will help me to cope with it.
Here's hoping for the best. | | |
| This isn't so much a quote of the day as a jump-off point for a dicussion, but it comes from Music History professor Nora Beck:
"Can you imagine what it would be like to hear only one piece of music in your entire life? It would be a cruel, cruel life."
It is somewhat out of vogue in our day and age to talk about the emotional effects of music. We post-romantics--even post-postromantics as we're sometimes referred to--are supposed to think of ourselves as part of the future manifest today. We see or have seen (more accurately put, we are in the process of seeing) it all, and have a strong but controlled urge to experience all that is innovative and cutting-edge. But at the same time, we are also allegedly desensitised, whether it be to violence, sex, or offensive-sounding music, by being constantly inundated with sensationalist and extremist television, movies, music, games, in short: media. As Lisa Simpson said, "we feel neither highs nor lows." When asked how she felt about that, she replied: "Meh," and shrugged.
But we DO feel things, and we do feel highs when we hear an ebullient operatic trio and recitative, or equally (in intensity, if not necessarily in character) after the refrain of a hit by Third Eye Blind or the GooGoo Dolls, a virtuosic guitar line by Kravitz, a pyrotechnic solo by Oscar Peterson or Duke Ellington, etc. And we feel lows when the tragic hero dies to a tutti minor cadence. We smile--perhaps the most telling sign of all--after the protagonists triumph and the violins and french horns wail out the happy motive in obese fortissimo. Even if or when the sensations are either supressed out of habit or social pressure, or somewhat dulled by overexposure, we still know what it is to be moved by sound.
If we were told that we could never listen to music again, (and I mean music in the traditional sense of the word, not the Cageian conception of our surroundings and spasmodic sound concurrences as music) it would be a fairly large sacrifice. Music gives us something; it changes us in tangible and intangible ways. The more I learn about music, the more that I become affected by it, and the more I wonder how different my interpretation of a Chopin étude would be had I never heard the cello before, or heard someone sing before. Indeed it seems almost unnatural and maybe even immoral to take music out of someone's life. How would we even go about achieving this, given that music seems to come to us innately, inevitably, as if it were an integral part of being human?
This is a hypothetical problem though, so let's entertain the notion that it is logistically possible. What would be the effect on the person? They know what music is, but they can never experience it again. Is that really a form of suffering, or is that being melodramatic? After all, eating a bowl of triple chocolate chocolate fudge brownie ice cream is a pleasurable experience (not in that way... ) but one would never say that being deprived of its diabetes-inducing goodness, or ice cream's taste in general for that matter, was really a form of cruel and unusual punishment. After all, circumstance alone could bring about that deprival, either by actually becoming diabetic, (a seemingly not unlikely outcome...) becoming lactose intolerant in later age, moving to a region in which dairy was forbidden, too rare, or too expensive to purchase, etc. However, (not to insist too much on this point, but I think it's important) chance cannot take away music. There is no corner of the world where social contact does not also imply some form of musical expression, even if it is rare, or in isolation. When alone, music remains in our thoughts and in our capacity to produce it. Removing music is self-evidently a deliberate imposition, and is therefore analogously closer to removing the use of language, written, oral, or sign; it is contrary to our nature.
In a slightly different spin on that though, what if one had had no knowledge of music, and then was exposed to one piece, with the expressed knowledge that it was a one-time event. Never again could this person hear or perform music. What could possibly be the effect of that? One could argue that any harmonic or rhythmic sound would be like an epiphany for the first time it's heard. Exposure to singing alone could be enough to severely effect our guinea pig's mental state. Imagine if it was the first time you had ever heard music; what would be your resulting state after, for example:
- A storyteller's tale on the didgeridoo? - A Bach keyboard invention? - An Indian raga? - European techno? - An Elvis Crespo merengue? - A rap by Missy Elliot? - A single, sustained note on the cello? - A Chopin scherzo? - A West-African marimba? - Heavy metal? - A Bob Marley reggae? - Stravinsky's "Rite of Spring" or another "contemporary classical" piece? - J-Pop? - A national anthem? - A Beethoven symphony?
or if it was accompanied with dance performance, like in:
- A Hawaiian kahiko (hula)? - A Bollywood film? - A Wagner opera? - "Hit me baby one more time" in concert? - A flamenco dance?
I put in this seemingly random mix just to give an idea of the variety of reactions that we would get, or at least the possibility thereof. There's no telling how differently or how similarly someone would react to the Initial D (anime) soundtrack when compared to the way they would respond to Tristan und Isolde or Berlioz' Symphonie Fantastique.
Even people that have a lot of experience with music often have epiphanic reactions to new songs, even when confined to familiar genres, with familiar instruments, familiar chords, and even familiar artists! Imagine if the first piece of music a person had ever heard was the opening to Handel's Alleluja chorus. Would they be able to renounce music as a concept and sacrifice their exposure to it after the final cadence?
To answer in one word: no.
Appreciate music. It is a bigger, more important part of us than we commonly realise. We may never fully grasp its gift to civilisation.
----- And I leave you with one more, highfalutin thought to muse over:
When Voyager I and II were sent into space, they were equipped with a small time capsule, containing a record with what was judged (given, judged by NASA affiliates, but it was nevertheless painstakingly contemplated) to be the best samples of Terran music, and a visual diagram that attempted to explain its usage. If ever, as was an implicit goal of the project, the two spacecraft came into contact with an extraterrestrial lifeform, the beings would hopefully have the capability to decifer the record and draw from this well of creative expression. What would they think? | | |
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